I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
