That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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