Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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