The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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