I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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