i just made my gag reflex go away.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
