someone get that fucking seahorse.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize