No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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