They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
