WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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