He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize