so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
