Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize