she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She announced her abortion via fbk
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
