so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
