tell your sister to shave her snatch
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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