before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize