Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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