God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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