i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My vagina is very pro this idea
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
