There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
