I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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