i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
