It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
