i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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