Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
