i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize