Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
