when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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