As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
