I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
