shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
