All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
