I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
