When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
