but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
