Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
