thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
