yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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