I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
