so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
