if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
