dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
