Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
