It's just like the Real World with babies
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
