there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
