Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
