1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
