Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
