yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
