I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
