you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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