It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
