just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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