I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize