So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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