If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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