All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
