they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
