Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
