Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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