on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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