when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
