god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
