I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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