dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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