Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
