he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
