My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
