Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
this hospital has no fireball
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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