My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize