my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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