Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
