everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
