I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
