You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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