Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
