I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
