Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
