Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
