I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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