Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hippo gnu deer
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
