I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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