can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
