I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
