Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
