She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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