and you said cock pushups were impossible
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
