Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize