Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
