I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
