I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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