WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
