Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize