Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
